oh my gosh i swear i'm going to lose it one of these days-
have you ever actually experienced or tried to feel
what it is ACTUALLY LIKE
to be INSANELY calm
and under self control.?
I have.
just pretend like you have to do that and then do it..
It's crazy.
It's like when you're enfuriated and your heart is pounding,
blood boiling, and head throbbing-
you take all of that plus the silent screaming and
put it into a box,
which goes into another box-
and so on a hundred times.
And every time you want to let it out and give way to your
melt down if you will,
you continue to put it in yet another box..
And because YOU know it's there, even if it is hidden away
underneath a calm of thousands of boxed up feelings.......
... it still leaks out.. and still hurts.. and can still destroy you
at any minute.
Even when you know it's wrong to give in -
but even THAT knowledge will NEVER take those feelings away
..so it eats away like cancer.. Hidden in your little body
ever so quietly under the pain of a happy smile and loving Eyes
just trying to show that you're normal and fine..
Like everyone wants you to be.. like you want you to be.
I think i'm doing pretty damn good though.
Considering how i feel.
